Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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