I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
