Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
