I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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