Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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