Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
