i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
