I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We had to coat check the pizza.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
