Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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