i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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