is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, beer. Big fan.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
