The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
