My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
