Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Vodka?
Forever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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