Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
nutella sex= disaster
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
