I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
