Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize