The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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