I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
