btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
