i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
