I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Randomize
