Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
