another moral hangover. fuck.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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