literally had 100 drinks last night.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
