Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
should my penis look like a turkey
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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