I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
