If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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