oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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