All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
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Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
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You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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