i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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