Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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