WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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