I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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