dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
