I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
