I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
