The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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