It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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