i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
