so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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