On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
