i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
