I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
