btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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