What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize