If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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