Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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