I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
