I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
