On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize