I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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