It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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