Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
